Forget Me
by suddenmuse
Summary: AU: What would have happened if Edward didn't come back, if Bella was forced to move on?
1. Groceries

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon or any of it's characters.

Summary: Edward never came back, and now Bella has a new life, a husband and two children. But what happens when the Cullens suddenly appear again nearly eight years later?

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**1. Groceries**

"Jacob Charles Ryan! You pick that up right now!"

"No!" The three-year old screamed stubbornly. I glared at my son sternly. He'd been difficult all morning and I knew I should have known better than to go grocery shopping with him in such a terrible mood but it couldn't be helped, I needed to restock on groceries.

"Jake, you put that on the shelf right now or you are going to have to sit in the cart with Emma."

"No! No! NO!" He screamed again.

"One… Two… Thr…" I began counting, and he knew what it meant. He knew he would regret waiting till I got to three, but he tested me all the same, waiting until "three" was nearly out of my mouth before hesitantly putting the can of Cambell's on the shelf from where he had swatted it off just a minute ago. "Good." I said, my tone still slightly irritated. He scowled, pouting at me, but I just pushed the cart forward keeping an cautious eye on him. Emma, his twin, giggled quietly when he stuck his tongue out at me, I just stuck mine out at him.

Thank God Emma was cooperating today, I was a having a hard time keeping my sanity. She was sitting peacefully in the cart, just watching as the cans and containers passed, thinking about something. She'd always been quiet and independent, unlike Jake (named after my best friend) who was normally loud and obnoxious, and causing some sort of trouble. I loved them both more than anyone.

Anyone. More than Alex (my husband), than Charlie, than Jacob and even him. They kept me together better than anyone had, even Jacob, who was probably the reason I lived long enough to marry and have children.

We made it out of the grocery store with only little more trouble from Jake, who had knocked a few more things off the shelves before we got out. I heaved a sigh as we made it to the car. I unlocked the doors and obediently the kids climbed in while I unloaded the groceries.

When we finally got home, Alex walked out into the driveway, there was instant relief on my face, "Hey," he smiled, giving me a light kiss on the cheek. "I'll get the groceries."

I smiled, grabbing Jacob by the hand while supporting a sleepy Emma on my shoulder as I walked into the house, leaving the door open for Alex. Jacob released my hand the moment we walked into the open, two-story house and running off. "Take off your shoes!" I hollered after him and he walked reluctantly back, kicking them off by the door. I sighed, setting Emma down and putting the shoes in the closet.

Just then, Alex came in, supporting the groceries in his arms. I grabbed some bags and proceeded into the kitchen, stacking them into the appropriate cupboards and in the fridge while he picked out the ingredients for dinner. "Spaghetti?" He suggested, pulling some meat out of the fridge.

"Sure." I called back from the other end of the kitchen, picking out some spices. Ever since the twins came along, spaghetti was always a disaster to clean up in the kitchen and I hated it, but the twins liked it so much that I couldn't say no.

Alex started frying up the meat while I opened a can of sauce, "So, is Jake coming over tonight?" I asked, not forgetting that today was Sunday. Alex and Jacob always got together on Sundays to watch a game or something to that affect.

"Nah, he said he was busy tonight."

"Oh," I nodded. I knew it had to be some werewolf thing, he never missed a Sunday night with Alex for anything but. I wondered what it could be, ever since Victoria had been scared off, Forks had been relatively free of vampires. I tried not to dwell on it too long. I tried to stay away from Vampire thoughts if I could, knowing it would only lead up to one place.

Supper was a lively and exceptionally messy event. It was all smiles until everyone was finished. Alex cleared up while I cleaned up the twins and got them into their pajamas. Dinner had eaten a lot of time this evening, it was 7:30 already, and I wanted the kids to be in bed by 8:00. They managed to get done with fifteen minutes to spare and so I let them play with some toys while I went back to the kitchen to help out Alex.

"Were you able to get someone to sit for us tomorrow?" He asked me. Ever since our regular went to college, we'd been out a babysitter.

"Ya, I ran into Erin today, and, well she's said that while she's still out of work, she'd be able to do it for us."

"What happened to her job at that department store in Port Angeles?" He asked, draining out the sink. I shrugged.

"Said it was too far away, and she didn't like the hours."

"Oh. Well maybe when we can get a permanent sitter you could see if Chuck will give her a job at the store." He suggested, "Wasn't he looking for someone to do a couple of things around the shop?"

"Ha ha," I said with sarcasm, "I don't think I could stand to be around her for an entire day. She's not the most intelligent person I've met. I don't think she'd be much of a solution." I chuckled, remembering some of her exploits and looking at my watch just as someone knocked on the door. "Could you get that? I'll put the kids to bed." Alex nodded, drying off his hands and heading toward the door.

---

"Who was that?" I asked, walking into the livingroom, Jane Austen in hand. Alex shrugged, sitting down on the sofa and grabbing the remote off the coffee table.

"Some kid. Got the wrong address, I guess." He said, turning the news on.

"Oh." I glanced at the news quickly, then opened the book and became absorbed in the words.

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What do you think? I haven't given you much yet, but do you think it's worth continuing at this point? Send in some reviews, please and thank-you!

EDIT: I changed a few of the lines where Bella is talking with Alex about Erin. My original plan doesn't work with a few of the newer ideas I've had about the story plot line. Sorry.


	2. Vision

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon or any of it's characters.

Summary: Edward never came back, and now Bella has a new life, a husband and two children. But what happens when the Cullens suddenly appear again nearly eight years later?

* * *

**2. Vision**

A flash of images.

Early morning, nine by the angle of the sun, on a low traffic road.

A woman on a motorcycle. Log truck approaching.

A man falls asleep behind the wheel.

The truck swerves to the wrong side of the road.

There's a collision.

The truck driver stumbles out of the truck. He's covered in blood.

He shuffles toward the woman. She's tangled up in the metalwork of the motorcycle, lying in a pool of blood. The man pulls the helmet off.

_Bella?_

Someone calls an ambulance.

It's too late.

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_This was a short chapter I know, the next one will be longer._


	3. Chicken

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon or any of it's characters.

Summary: Edward never came back, and now Bella has a new life, a husband and two children. But what happens when the Cullens suddenly appear again nearly eight years later?

* * *

**3. Chicken**

Bella was going to die.

Why the hell was she on a motorcycle? She knew Charlie hated motorcycles and she'd promised Edward she wouldn't do anything reckless or stupid. Didn't a motorcycle qualify as something both reckless and stupid? Damnit! Why, Bella?! Why, why, _why_!? Why would you do that? How could you do that to Edward?

The gravel crunched beneath the tires as I turned into the driveway of Bella's house. The house was located on the outskirts of town, surrounded on every side with thick forest. It wasn't large, but it was big compared to most of the homes in Forks. It was paneled in dark wood with lots of large windows and a deck that wrapped around most of the house. Bella must've been doing fairly well.

I drummed the steering wheel, trying to figure out what I was going to say. I'd have to talk to her, tell her not to take the bike to work tomorrow. I'd have to confront her face to face.

I stepped out of the car, and went up to the front door, knocking on it firmly. I could hear voices inside, "Could you get that? I'll put the kids to bed." It was Bella's voice. I nearly broke down into sobs. I missed her so much!

The sound of heavy footsteps approached the door at a casual pace. I listened to the door unlock and the hinges squeak as the door opened. A well-muscled man, dressed in a navy blue T-shirt and dark, faded jeans opened the door. Bella's husband, I thought, recognizing the man from a vision. "Hello?" He said, looking me over, "May I help you?"

"Uh, I think I got the wrong house." I chickened out.

* * *

This poor excuse for an update is very much a poor excuse. I really have—still have, even, a really terrible writer's block. I couldn't seem to get what I wanted to say across. 

I know this chapter is bad, I don't need you guys telling me that, so don't remind me if you review.


	4. Dammit

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon or any of it's characters.

Summary: Edward never came back, and now Bella has a new life, a husband and two children. But what happens when the Cullens suddenly appear again nearly eight years later?

**

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**

**4. Dammit. **

"Dammit!" I kicked the tire of my bike. I chanted the word over and over, massaging my temples with the tips of my fingers, pacing the length of the cramped garage. The damn thing wouldn't start, and time was ticking before I had to get to work. It seemed everything was wrong, little things everywhere.

I wiped the sweat off my forehead with my sleeve, and attacked the task at hand once more. If I didn't get it repaired in the next fifteen minutes, I would have to take the car, which had become a yawn. I only drove the car when it was necessary.

"Come on, babe." I begged the vehicle, wiping off my greased up hands on a used rag and tossing it aside. I mounted it slowly, taking in a deep breath that would hopefully keep me from tearing it apart in an all-consuming rage if it should fail to start again, and I kicked the ignition. It roared to life. "Oh, thank God, love. I was getting worried." I smiled, embracing the front part of the motorcycle awkwardly. I knew it would never respond to such affection, but I loved the damn thing too much for it to actually matter.

Then it shut off.

A slew of curses betrayed my attempts to remain calm, "What the hell is wrong with you!?" I screamed at it, crouching down to examine it again. Whatever was wrong with it was obviously going to take more time to fix than I had available to me right now.

Alex had already left for work when I got out there. Alex was a cop, that was how I met him. Our first meeting wasn't at all romantic. No love at first sight, nada. We barely acknowledged each other's existence. I had to pick Charlie up at the Police Station for an appointment he had at the hospital the same day Alex was starting his first shift. Charlie introduced us, I said a quick hello, he said a quick hello, we shook hands and then dad and I left. It was only through a party gone seriously wrong a couple weeks later that we actually hooked up, which was kind of insensitive given the circumstances.

I slipped into the car and turned the ignition. The dark green car came to life easily, which I despised it for. It always worked. Why couldn't it just stop working for once? The damn thing was too reliable. Completely boring and unoriginal, it made me long for my old, red truck. The truck had character.

The ride to work was quiet, it always was. Not that it took very long. Couldn't be more than twenty minutes. The silence was murder, but I didn't listen to the radio. I couldn't listen to music when I was alone. I just couldn't.

A lot of things were still ruined for me.

---

Work was slow and painful and when I got home, I was forced to endure a half hour's worth of Erin's idiotic chatting. She was a good babysitter, but she lacked the intelligence and common sense that contributed to a conversation that included anything other than her own constant and repetitive drama. Needless to say, it was a relief when she finally decided that she should go home.

Jake displayed obvious signs of happiness and relief when I got home, apparently Erin wasn't compatible with his sense of humor. She made him stand in the corner for a million hours, according to him, and made them eat tomato soup (which he absolutely detests). Emma said she hated her and never-ever wanted her to baby sit them again because Erin was stupid. I sighed, and didn't put much effort into my argument in the defense of Erin's competence.

I felt sorry for them, but there wasn't anything I could do. Erin would have to stick until we could find a new sitter or she got a job.

Not too long after I got home, Alex called to say that he would be late, which nearly destroyed any hopes of getting to work on my bike before nine. That ass.

At least the twins only wanted sandwiches for supper and seemed to be getting along well enough at this point that it might be possible for them to clean their room together. While they cleaned the room, I tried to clean up as much as possible before they stopped working (because then I would have to stop working). I was well on my way to mastering the entire house in an hour, skipping things like the floor and the fridge.

When it was all done, Emma picked the movie, Jake put the chips in a bowl and got the dip, and I made the popcorn and got out come glasses of water to help with the severe dehydration that would follow such a large salt intake. We probably watched movies like this way to often for our health, but the kids loved it and it put them to sleep earlier so I could get to work on my bike sooner.

Once the movie was over, and they were still asleep I carefully maneuvered myself off the couch and out from underneath them, for they had managed to follow asleep on top of me, and I left to get working on my bike.

* * *

A little bit longer, two pages, but some of it's not written very well. I'm having a hard time developing the story. There is a lot of conflicting ideas in my head. Oh, and I made some edits to the first chapter, some of the things I had written in before didn't work with what's to come, and I also added a couple more details about Erin. 


	5. Pain

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon or any of it's characters.

Summary: Edward never came back, and now Bella has a new life, a husband and two children. But what happens when the Cullens suddenly appear again nearly eight years later?

* * *

**5. Pain**

It hurts. There's this pain in my chest. It's the worse thing I've felt in a long time. It brings me to my knees.

And it's just a house. _Her_ house. The sight of _her_ house brings me to the ground.

I don't know why I am here. There was always so many reasons not to come back, no matter the positives I could think of, no matter what anyone else said. But something happened last night, and there was death in the future. And I came.

And now I'm on me knees, in front of her house, sobbing tearless.

The house is far from town, deep in the woods. I can remember telling her never to go into the woods once. Has she forgotten me? Forgotten us? Just like I had meant for her to?

A man's thought's fade into my consciousness as he approaches, thoughts singing along to the radio. He pulls into the driveway, noting briefly that the garage lights are still on.

I hadn't even noticed the other building. I hadn't been looking at the building a short distance from the house, the one with the lights on.

I tried to contain my breakdown for a moment to get out of sight as a cruiser parked in front of the house. He was whistling as he killed the ignition and got out of the vehicle. He flicked off the lights that had been left on in the living room and into the kitchen and went up stairs and into a washroom.

The view into the house was tremendous, which added to the pain. I wanted her to have a life, to be happy, to be human and I tried to remember that, as I took this tiny peek into her life.

There was a long squeal as a door opened, and then the garage lights flicked off. Then Bella exited the building, dark shades of grease on her clothes and face and headed towards the house.

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If any of you have this story on alert, I apologize for all the e-mails that came with my last updates. This is a silly website that could definitely use some improvement. Anyway, a reminder to reread Chapter 1, mostly just the tail end while Alex and Bella are talking while they finish up the dishes.

Oh, and please review, I won't continue you unless you assure me it's worth it to take time out of my busy, busy day to write this story for your guys' benefit.


	6. Panic

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon or any of it's characters.

Summary: Edward never came back, and now Bella has a new life, a husband and two children. But what happens when the Cullens suddenly appear again nearly eight years later?

* * *

**6. Panic**

"Hey." Alex poked a look out from behind the shower curtain, hearing me trip on the doorjamb as I enter the bathroom. Recovering, I smiled and he returned it. "What's wrong with the bike?"

"I don't know. Everything. Nothing. I can't seem to figure it out. I've been working on it all night, and I thought I had fixed everything, but it still won't start." I sat on the counter, and began to list everything that wasn't wrong with it.

"Maybe it's out of gas." He chuckled, slipping his head out from behind the shower curtain again.

"Very funny, Alex." I laughed sarcastically. He just smiled widely.

"Care to join me?"

ooo

I woke up a half hour late for work with deep shadows under my eyes. Brushing the sleep from my eyes, I gave him a hard shove. "Alex! Alex!" He mumbled some gibberish and I pushed him again, "Alex!" I screamed loader this time.

"Leave me alone!"

"You're late for work." I answered in a rushed tone as I got out of bed and stepped into a pair of pants I had found on the floor. Alex suddenly became alert.

"Hmm?"

"You. Are. Late. For. Work. _We_ are late for work."

"Shit!" He jumped out of bed and began to get dressed, becoming almost as clumsy as me in his rush. He left the master bedroom for a moment to brush his teeth while I combed through my knotted hair. "Didn't you hear the alarm?" He asked, popping his head into the door as he raced through brushing his teeth, tone annoyed.

"Obviously not!" I yelled back as he returned to the bathroom. I could hear him spit and then the tap run for a moment before he called out a quick goodbye.

I didn't bother to say a goodbye. I was too angry with him now. _The ass. It's not my fault we didn't wake up. _Most of my thoughts were along that line as I finished getting ready and made breakfast for the kids.

I was sure my day could get worse, and I knew that it would, but I wasn't prepared for it to get worse so soon. Erin was late.

Work brought it's own misfortunes, and I was uncharacteristically relieved to get home afterwards. Usually I could lose myself at work and become unattached to the pains that burned inside me, but fate seemed to hate me today.

Even when I came home, there seemed to be no relief to the gloom that was this day. Erin talked on for hours while the twins whined for my attention, and Erin just wouldn't leave. Finally, when Alex came home she decided to leave.

"The kids hate her, I hate her.. We really need someone else." I complained to Alex, who was spicing steaks opposite me on the other side of the island.

"Yeah, but there's not much we can do right now." He answered, "But I'll keep an eye out, alright?" He carried the steaks outside to put them on the barbecue. I sighed, not satisfied with his answer but reminding myself that there was nothing he could do, and continued to chopping cabbage.

"So me and some of the guys are going out fishing for the long weekend." He started, setting down the empty plate on the counter and eyeing me carefully.

I could feel my knees weaken, my nerves begin to tremble. He quickly came over to me, wrapping his arms around. I held him tightly for support, not trusting my legs to do it alone. "It'll be okay, Bella." I was having a hard time keeping my breathing regular. "Everything will be fine. I'll come back on Monday, and everyone will be here."

I had abondonment issues. Obviously.

"The kids are gone this weekend too.." I began but couldn't finish. He couldn't go. He couldn't leave me here alone. I needed him. I couldn't survive without him.. my children.. my family not there.

"I know, hun, I know." Then I began to hyperventilate. He took the knife out of my hand and set me down on the floor against the counter so he could grab a paper bag. He sat down beside me as he handed it to me and took me into his arms again.

"It will just be for three days, maybe your dad can come over or you can spend the night at his place." He suggested as my breathing normalled.

I wiped tears from my eyes that I hadn't even realized I'd been crying before speaking, "No.. No.. I don't want to.. to bother him…" I said. His condition had gotten so bad in the past couple years, and he'd become more irritable. "I'll.. um.. I'll be fine." I lied.

"Hun.."

"No.. I'll be a-alright." I insisted. "It's just three days, right? I can do that."

"And the kids will be home from my mom's even sooner than that." Alex's mom hated me, no matter what I seemed to do. No invitation was ever willingly extended towards me. She loved the kids though, and took them at least once a month for the weekend.

"Okay. I'll be fine.. perfectly okay."

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I'm not quite sure I want to know how long it's been since I last updated.. lol. There was just sudden inspiration last night.

Please review.


	7. Bye

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon or any of it's characters.

Summary: Edward never came back, and now Bella has a new life, a husband and two children. But what happens when the Cullens suddenly appear again nearly eight years later?

* * *

**7. Bye**

"Do you have everything?" He nodded, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.

"Mh-hmm." Alex mumbled gently kissing my neck and shoulders. I giggled slightly, pushing him away with minimal force.

"You have to go, I have to drop the kids off.."

"They can wait a couple minutes, can't they?" He smirked, one hand making it's way up my shirt. I laughed, pushing him away and walking back into the kitchen where started to clean up the mess made from sandwich preparation. He quickly joined me, "C'mon, Bells.."

"Alex," I answered with a sterner voice, "_You_ _have to go._ If I don't get the kids to your mother's house by one, I'm not going to hear the end of it and.. and.." He was behind me now, arms around me again.

"But I don't want to.."

"Stop whining. Get outta here." I smiled, turning around and lifting up to my tip toes and kissing him. I gave him a quick slap on the ass and slid out from between him and the counter. "Get your jacket and hurry up already. Your going to be late to meet everybody." He laughed, I smiled again and grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the door.

"Fine. But I'm not happy about it." He kissed me quickly on the lips and picked up the last bag and headed out to his car.

"You know, I don't really care whether your happy or not. Just get out of my hair already." I smiled, standing in the doorway.

"I'll see you at the end of the weekend, I love you." He said. I smiled feeling a slight feeling of loss as he got into the car and started the engine. My face must have given me away, because he suddenly got out of the car and came toward me, wrapping me in his arms tightly. "Bells, I love you. I'll be back before you know it.. Don't.. Be careful. Don't forget to take everything and remember to breathe." I smiled weakly, wiping tears from my eyes.

"Yeah. I know.." I couldn't promise him anything. For awhile now I'd been taking medication for depression, various supplements to aid with the lack of nutrition from a lack of appetite, and sleeping pills so I could make it through the night with a decent amount of sleep and not wake the household with my screaming.

"Be there waiting for me when I come back, right?"

I wiped away some more tears, "Yeah. I'll be here."

"Good." He kissed me once more and headed back to the car, "Bye, Bells."

"Bye." I whispered back, the car rolling out of the driveway. I could feel a weight on my shoulders, a dark cloud pass over a non-existent sun and my heart burn. And fear.

* * *

Sorry about the wait. I have exams and if I don't freakin' study my ass off, I'm gonna fail math for the second time. It's a load of fun. Really. I enjoy it. But back to the point, probably won't be doing much updating until exams are over next week. Not that you would be expecting one with my dreadful record of updating. 


	8. Alone

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon or any of it's characters.

Summary: Edward never came back, and now Bella has a new life, a husband and two children. But what happens when the Cullens suddenly appear again nearly eight years later?

* * *

**8. Alone**

The hot water ran out about an hour ago, but I'm still sitting in the shower, legs pulled up to my chest, arms around my legs and my head resting on my knees. It's pathetic, really pathetic that I'm just sitting in my bathtub.

There are no tears and there are no thoughts. My mind is a blank.

I'm watching the water swirl down the drain, and for a moment, I wonder if I am dead, if this is death. And then I think, _Thank God. It's finally over. _And it's instant disappointment when I feel the soft passing of air through my lips and my lungs sucking in a breath of cold oxygen.

It's a hard reality to wake up to. To wake up and realize you are still alive. Warm moisture trails down my cheek as my dried-out tear ducts manage to choke out a couple tears.

I play with the idea of getting out of the tub before I catch my death. I could go to bed and just lie there. It might be more comfortable. But I don't ache for the warmth or comfort. I want the forlorn frigidness of my bathtub. Besides, the idea of catching my death is almost too tempting.

The next minute, the sound of the doorbell echoes through the house. I blink. It rings again. I consider not answering it for a minute. It rings again. Somewhere I find the energy to turn the tap off and get up and wrap myself in a towel.

I'm halfway down the stairs to the ground floor when I realize that through the glass doors, I can see no one there. Still, I open the door and give a brief glance in every direction. No one. I stand out there a moment, clad only in my towel and take all of the forest in. I can remember his voice in my head, the clear disapproval in his speech when I bought this house. He had made himself clear on several occasions not to go into the woods alone before the end and after. And now I live in them, as far from civilization as I could afford to be.

Jacob didn't like it either though, I thought, trying to focus on something else. I couldn't think of him now. Especially not with no one around to save me.

A soft breeze blew threw my hair and I reality returned to me once more. I returned inside, deciding to clean the house from top to bottom.

* * *

Sorry it took so long to update. My computer hates me. I think I'm going to have to take it in to get repaired, but I don't have the money right now. If I'm gone without updates for awhile don't blame me. Blame the computer. 


	9. Phones

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon or any of it's characters.

Summary: Edward never came back, and now Bella has a new life, a husband and two children. But what happens when the Cullens suddenly appear again nearly eight years later?

* * *

**8. Phones**

The phone rung, I picked it up, it was the hospital. They talked for a while and I just nodded along, mumbling something here or there as they went on. When they stopped talking, I hung up.

I stared at the phone for a moment. I blinked. I didn't need this right now. I couldn't deal with it now. I had too many problems. Way too many problems.

Everyone was gone. Alex was gone, the twins were gone, I hadn't seen Jake in over a week. And _they_ were gone. And Charlie… My vision blurred and I blinked, a tear landed on the phone's number pad. A sob escaped my throat, and before I had time to curl up in my bed, I was a mess with tears.

I didn't know how long I was in bed crying, thinking of how everyone was gone and how it was so ridiculous that I would be this destroyed already. The rational part of my mind kept reminding me that I had seen Alex just eight hours before. I had gone without seeing him for longer while at work. What's so different about now? What's so different?

_They've left. They've left me! He had a choice, and he left me. _I screamed at it the rational part of my mind. _He's gone! Gone. --He went fishing with his friends… _I tacked the last part on the very end, to remind myself. I couldn't go _there._ I couldn't revisit that part of my mind where _he_ lived, where he would never let me forget him.

Near the end, when I was too dehydrated to lay in bed anymore and I got up to get a drink, I thought about Jacob. Where was he? He usually didn't go this long without visiting or calling or something. Even if there were… vampires, my mind hesitated to think the word, he would have called? Right?

I frantically tried to think of the last time I saw him, I combed through the details of the visit with my mind. It had gone fine, hadn't it? A bit awkward, but I hadn't given him a reason to ignore me… I didn't think so at least…

I immediately felt panicky at the thought. I set the cup I had been drinking from on the counter and walked over to the phone and dialled the number. The mechanical voice of his voicemail told me to leave me a message after the beep.

If I had any confidence at all, it was gone after the beep. I couldn't leave a together message. Not anymore.

The seconds ticked. Finally I drew a breath and spoke, "Hey. It's me. Um… I, uh, I haven't seen you in awhile. I know things haven't been the greatest. I'm trying. It's hard. I know you couldn't do anything about it… I know… I know that. I… It's been three years, but still… It's still… hard… Anyways, I'm sorry. If that's why you haven't called… Just so you know, I'm sorry… I lo-- miss you. I miss you. Okay? Come by or call… Or something… I can't… I can't be alone now. Everyone… Everyone is gone. I… the hospital…" I felt the tears coming on. I tried to control it, but I couldn't. My sobs broke through my feeble resistance. "Just call, please. I can't… I need you, Jake." I hung up.

* * *

Well. Hem.. Yeah. I guess… Um.. Long time no see? (feels the awkward silence) Yeah… bit shocking isn't it? That I've updated after all this time… You probably thought I had forgotten about you… No, I don't get much computer access with my laptop out of commission. I'm using my brother's right now while he's out to hockey. Took me awhile to figure out his password, but yeah. Probably won't be updating at record speed still. I'm close to having the money I'll need to buy a decent laptop so hopefully I'll be more regular in a couple weeks. With any luck I'll have a new one before the middle of October. Don't hold me to it though. 


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